I recently started meeting with a small group of girls who are either single or dating to talk about all things pertaining to single/dating life, and hopefully encourage them in their journey. I have loved getting to hear their stories and tell them my journey. I love these girls and their hearts to want be prepared and ready for their amazing love story. Of course in our conversations something will come up with a guy who they thought liked them. So it got me thinking…how to know if a guy likes you? But before I give away my answer let’s chat about some of the things that we as women do wrong in this area.
There is a constant theme around the female species when we think a guy likes us. We READ THE SIGNS. But problem..guys signs are nothing like our signs! We see black and white, they see gray. Guys do not, and will not, do things the way we do. Far too many times I thought a guy was into me by looking at all the sign posts I thought he was putting out for me. But in actuality I had it all wrong. It always left me feeling bummed out, sad, or sometimes even really hurt.
So how do we protect ourselves from this happening? We STOP READING SIGNS. In my girls group one of the girls was sharing about how she really thought this guy was into her because of the way he was acting towards her. Whenever she told another girlfriend they would do what we all have been guilty of doing to our friends…”oh my gosh, he did that!? He is definitely into you! He is totally showing you that he is interested” And so begins what we girls do to our friends, we become their cheerleader. Our hearts are right in the sense that we want to encourage them and are in their corner. However this really doesn’t help out at all. If anything it only causes your friend to begin reading every little thing that she thinks is a sign. Let me give you a few examples so you understand what I am trying to communicate here.
Let’s just pretend that Sammantha thinks Joey likes her. So she goes to her friend Ashley to tell her all about it…. “Last week I was out to dinner with our group of friends and when I went to get my seat Joey took the seat right next to me! He kept trying to talk to me and ask me questions. He even offered for me to try his latte that he ordered! The next day he added me on Instagram and has already liked two of my pictures!” Ashley replies,” Oh he is totally into you! I mean, why else would he try and sit next to you and then add you on IG the very next day!? He is definitely giving you all the signs to let you know he is interested!” And so it begins…the fantasy. Sammantha has now begun to create a fantasy in her mind of this guy and how one day they will be dating. She looks at every little thing he does and thinks he is trying to give her a signal. Girls, I am telling you this because I did this! I have been Sammantha AND Ashley. I created fantasies in my head of Joey and I ending up dating. And as I friend I assisted in helping my friends to continue reading all the little things that the guy did.
But how do you know if a guy really is interested in you? Well girls, I believe I have found out the answer to that oh so hard question…wait for it…..HE WILL TELL YOU! hahahaha! But it’s so true! If a guy is into you he will show some interest in getting to know you. Whether that is by sitting next to you in group settings, texting you, inviting you somewhere..whatever all those little “signs” are that we read into…it will be followed up by one thing…him saying exactly how is feeling! If you are wondering for months if a guy likes you because of how he is flirting with you, or texting you all the time, and he hasn’t made his interest clear to you then I would say “buh-bye” and keep on walking. The reason is because you don’t want a guy to play games with you. You deserve a guy who is able to tell you exactly how he feels because in doing that he is honoring you. The whole flirting game that goes on for months and months is not honoring to you. He might be loving it because some guys like knowing that they can get the attention of a girl, but they don’t want the commitment. I am going to assume that if you have been reading my blogs then you are not one of those girls who just wants a “good time” with someone, but rather you want a love story. And a love story verses a good time are two very different things. The kind of guy you want is one who can talk about his feeling and clearly communicate exactly where he is at. Whether he is ready to dive into a committed relationship or wants to continue to get to know you in an intentional way to see about eventually dating you.
When Seth began following me on Twitter we started “tweeting” (haha) back and forth to each other. I, of course, wondered if he was interested because he was writing to me quite a bit. However, I didn’t have to wonder long because soon after he asked me if I wanted to grab a coffee. I think it was within a week or two. Which right away told me he was interested. I didn’t know how interested I was, but I decided to go out with him to see how interested I might become. The very next morning after our first date, at 8:30am, to be exact, Seth texted me asking me on a second date. I didn’t have to wonder at all. And from that moment on I never had to wonder what his intentions were. He was always clear with me and by doing so I felt so honored and cared about. He didn’t want to play any games with my heart so he left no room for questions. Even though we ended up talking for about 2 1/2 months before becoming official I was not concerned.
Seth had left California soon after we started seeing each other to go back home to NY for a month and a half. During that time he wrote me love letters where he told me exactly how he felt about me. He was pursuing my heart. He never kissed me during the time we were seeing each other before he left. Instead of focusing on how to get his lips on mine, he focused on knowing me. Learning all about Carly and treating me like a princess. I didn’t need him to kiss me to know he liked me. Actually, by not kissing me and instead pursuing my heart it showed me just how much he cared for me.
So if you are sitting at home wondering for weeks or months on end if this guy likes you and thinking of all the little signs you think he has shown you then I would like to give you one piece of advice…stop thinking about it. Don’t read anymore signs. Assume that he just views you as a friend. You will save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartbreak and disappointment by doing so.
All photos by: Sarah Schweyer Photography