Become the kind of person you want to marry

The other day I was thinking about how it’s so easy to make our “list” of everything we want in our future spouse, yet most of us never stop and wonder if we are the list we would want in a future spouse. Our list for someone else could be.. successful, friendly, good relationship with his family, involved in church, physically fit…ect. Meanwhile we are over here never working out, don’t have a job, have an offense with a family member that we are not resolving, and hiding out in our house not socializing with people. You will attract the kind of person you are. Seth and I obviously aren’t exactly alike but at the same time we are definitely “two peas in a pod”. We fit.

Have you ever seen a guy who looks like well, a bum. I am in no way trying to be rude here! Please hear me. But when you ask this guy, what kind of girl are you looking for and he basically describes a Victoria’s Secret model to you you gotta wonder if that is going to happen. I honestly feel like this can be a touchy post…but these practical (sometimes uncomfortable) truths have to be said. If you want someone who is fit and you yourself are not fit then I would really encourage you to take some time to invest in that area of your life. I have heard people say that they don’t even know where to start, or how to even work out at a gym. I was totally that person. I grew up with zero sports abilities..hahahaha, I mean ZERO. I was horrible at even gymnastics as a kid. As I got into my early 20’s I wanted to start working out but had no clue where to start and how to even use a machine at a gym. I joined a gym and was so embarrassed when I would go that I would just do the treadmill and leave. So after many failed gym attempts I found a pilates studio, took a few girlfriends with me, and did my first ever pilates class. Poised was not what I would use to describe me in my first class or the following classes after that. But over time it became a big part of my life. Now obviously I am not writing a blog post on fitness and having the next Gisele body from Victoria’s Secret. What I am trying to communicate is the importance of being the person that you have on your list. If you want to be with someone who is fit but you don’t know where to start, ask a friend who is into fitness. Get a workout buddy.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Don’t look at the splinter in someone else’s eye when you have a plank in your own”. I think we can tie this into what to look for when we are looking for our future spouse. It’s so easy to point out everything you don’t like about the person you met, or someone is trying to set you up with. We go down the list of everything they don’t have when really your own list isn’t looking so great.

During your time of singleness is a good time to be investing in the type of wife or husband you one day want to be. If you want to be successful, get a good job. If you want to serve in church with your spouse, start serving and volunteering now. Now is the time to prepare yourself. It goes so much deeper then surface things like going to the gym or getting a good job. It’s also your emotional health. And if you are a Christian, your spiritual health. How are you emotionally? Are you happy with your life even though its not perfect in every area? Are you struggling with depression or self hatred? Because let me tell you, those areas do not suddenly heal themselves when you get married. Your prince charming can not fix you. Only you and God can.

I think one great thing to do as a single person looking to prepare yourself for marriage is to get around a married couple who has a successful marriage. Spend time with them. Ask them questions. People spend so many years and so much money on a college education to learn and become the best they can be in their future career but don’t spend any time investing into becoming the best they can be in their future marriage. Which will be the biggest and most important area of your life. Good marriages don’t just happen. They take commitment, patience, communication, and forgiveness. If you are a single girl looking to one day be a wife find a married girl that seems to have a great marriage and ask her to help mentor you. It doesn’t need to be focused on just becoming a wife, it can be focused on how to help you become the best version of yourself so you can one day be the best wife you can be. Because remember, you attract the people you are like. Take time to invest in yourself becoming whole and healthy in every area of your life. That is sowing into your future marriage.

I honestly wish that this was something I had done better at during my single years. I was so busy looking at my list in a guy and praying for it that I didn’t take time to think about if I was what someone else would really want. Investing into your future is always a win for every area of your life. So why forget to do it for your future marriage? The return on your investment will be well worth it!!


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  1. Monica
    November 4, 2016 / 3:49 pm

    Carly, you should join Danny Silk ‘s ministry!!!

    • carlymay
      May 20, 2017 / 9:51 pm

      haha! I take that as a compliment!

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