You Asked..We answered! Part Two..

Well we just got back from taking Sienna on her first trip to LA..we did it! Haha..Who knew adding a little person to a trip could add so much work!  While we were away we spent some time answering some more of your questions. So let’s get at it!

Did you ever have expectations that weren’t met?  How would you counsel girls to have unrealistic expectations of their future relationship and husband? Carly: Ohhhhh yes! haha.  We all have expectations that we come into a relationship with. I will share an expectation with you that I had with my husband/marriage..

I thought that birthdays would always be a BIG deal. Meaning, when its my birthday Seth would have it all planned out for the day…or days haha…even for the month? 😉  He would surprise me with just the things I love to do that he spent hours upon hours planning (okay, I’m kind of exaggerating). But really, I always had an expectation for my birthday. I had that because of the way that I was raised with birthdays being a really big deal. And from probably watching too many romance movies hahaha. I thought because birthdays were such a big deal to me that everyone else would celebrate them the same way. I actually didn’t even realize it was an expectation, it was just my normal. Seth helped me realize that I have expectations I put on him that aren’t fair. It’s not that birthdays weren’t important for him, he just had a different norm for birthdays.

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Seth, the man who I am crazy in love with, failed MISERABLY in this area of my standard. I will never forget it was my birthday and we had just gotten engaged…I thought, he must have such an amazing surprise planned for me! Now let me stop here and say, when I share how amazing our proposal was that he planned and how he surprised me countless ways that day, you may see why I really should’ve let the lack of planning of  this particular birthday go. Yup, our engagement was THAT good! Anyways, back to my birthday…He got off work and on his way to get me he called asking what I would like to do for my birthday that evening..ummmm excuse me? You are asking me what I want to do, on the day of my birthday. Like, right now? I thought, oh I know exactly what you’re doing, you’re just throwing me off..I’m onto you. haha. But, then I realized when he came to pick me up, that nope…no plan. He proceeded to ask me, “do you want to see a movie and then we can grab some dinner?” I’ll be honest, my expectation bubble burst and resulted in me crying and us having a very nice argument on my birthday. I felt hurt and not valued, and Seth felt confused because he said he did have a plan… He had a few ideas for my birthday that I could choose from…What movie I wanted to see, and where I wanted to go to dinner. Let’s just say that the birthday celebrations were a work in progress. haha. But I sure do love him! 😉

As for how I would counsel girls to not have unrealistic expectations..I would say, remind yourself continually that no matter who you marry he will not do everything perfectly or the way you want. Birthdays are important to me so since Seth loves me he wants to get better at planning thoughtful things for me. I saw that he was willing to work on areas that mean a lot to me. It’s okay to be in a relationship or marriage and share your emotions or expectations.DO NOT BURY YOUR EXPECTATIONS! I think that leaves room for more disappointment and frustration that will build over time. Communicate expectations you have so you’re on the same page. However, you also have to be willing to let some things go, or meet in the middle. Seth may never meet my expectation, or standard, on every little thing. Whether that is something as silly as putting his keys in the key dish I have instead of leaving them on the counter (haha). Or putting a lot of thought and effort into my birthday. His love for me can not be defined by meeting all of my expectations perfectly. His love for me is shown in the way he pursues learning to show me love the way I receive it.  Just remind yourself, no one is perfect!

What are healthy questions for a girl to ask on a first date? Seth: Great question. I think that often times that first date seems to come with so much pressure to make good first impressions, maintain engaging conversation, avoid embarrassment and you said it…ask the right questions.

In the world of first dates, there are hundreds of scenarios. You already know each other a little, maybe you’ve been friends for along time, or you’ve set out on a blind date; the list really goes on. It’s nearly impossible to give specific examples of what to say, and think about it, life is not scripted, why should dating be?

Ok, you’re on that first date. You’re consumed by thoughts of what he thinks about you while you also try to decipher what you think about him. There’s a pause in the conversation, and you want to take the opportunity to ask him a question. What do you say?..

I remember when Carly and I had our first date. We went out one evening and sat on the back patio of a restaurant. I remember the butterflies in my stomach and the pressure I felt to maintain the conversation, but the most amazing thing about this first date was that as conversation unfolded there was a natural flow back and forth of both questions and stories. As our relationship developed we would have deeper conversations, but looking back at that first date we recognize that we each set out that evening to discover who is this person whose outer shell is intriguing to some extent. The goal was not to unpack all the past, present and future to see if we would match up, instead it was to catch but a glimpse that would help us make that decision of whether another date might even be a prospect.

The questions I would recommend asking are more introspective to establish ahead of time what things will qualify this person for a followup date or disqualify them from being anything more than a friend. If you know yourself in the approach to the first date you can have a great time while somewhat quietly sizing this person up. Brace yourself; if you didn’t already realize this, looks are only a tiny part of the puzzle!

Did you ever have a dream fantasy style engagement ring that you always wanted? Wellllll….I was ALWAYS looking at rings on pinterest. Which means, I was sending Seth a lot of different ring ideas. He thought I had settled on the style I wanted so he was having my ring designed (without me knowing). In the midst of that I decided to change my mind and show him a completely different style. He said he thought to himself, “too bad”. haha, which lucky for him I absolutely LOVE the ring he designed for me! 😉

Next week we will be back at it answering questions! Hope you have an amazing week! Thanks for letting us be a small part of it 🙂

Carly&Seth

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Comments

  1. January 20, 2016 / 2:16 pm

    So funny, My husband and I had the same argument! And very similar ones on other holidays…ha! Growing up my family also made holidays and celebrations a BIG deal and they were always so fun! I did the same thing, put those expectations on my hubby to do the same when we got married. All that got me was a big pile of tears and a ugly memory of an argument on a special day. 🙂 Love your tips on communicating expectations instead of just burying or being hurt by them.

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