How did you “manage” to not lose hope for your future husband ? Carly: That was hard, and to be honest there were moments/days when I absolutely did lose hope and feel discouraged. I had to continually put my trust in God. I found other passions to focus in on and begin pursuing. That really helped me to keep on keeping on and not looking at what I didn’t have in my life. I had to make a choice to be thankful for what I did have.
When did you know that your heart was fully ready for engagement and what would you suggest to young girls who are being pursued by their boyfriend as a practical way to prepare their heart? Carly: I like to keep things as simple as possible…so here it is….I knew my heart was fully ready when I knew that there was no one else I wanted to spend my life with. When I ended up feeling a way with him that I had never felt with anyone else. There is no other way to say it except, I just knew it was right. But we didn’t get engaged right in that moment. It was still a process because, well…Seth had to pay for a ring! haha. It allowed us time to still develop our relationship without the pressures that come with engagement.
In what ways did your husband stand out from the other guys in the way he pursued you in your heart? Carly: This is an easy one for me to answer. Seth loved all of me. I didn’t have to change or be anyone else. I felt more beautiful (inside and out) then I ever had. He pursued me, not the person he wanted me to be. I think that sometimes because we are attracted to someone physically first, we later realize they aren’t exactly what we were looking for or wanted. We then try to form them into the person we want them to be since we like the outside packaging so much.
How did you guys develop purity boundaries, and how did you stay accountable to them? Carly: Right away we talked about our physical boundaries. We didn’t leave room to “figure it out” as we went along. As you all know, we are Christians and based on what we believe, sex before marriage wasn’t an option. I wasn’t willing to negotiate that. Christian or not, it allowed us to build a depth to our relationship that wasn’t based on sex. To all you singles, it was so worth the wait! I promise you. Seth and I were talking the other day how we will never look back with regret that we waited until our wedding night. That is so amazing!
Seth: I think they happened somewhat naturally. When I started pursuing Carly, I wanted this relationship to be different than others I had been in. I wanted it to count. I was not going to mess it up by pushing boundaries that I had for myself and more than that, the boundaries that Carly had. For me that meant really taking the time to get to know Carly and giving her the chance to get to know me. I think my mindset was so different in that I wanted to honor her and make her feel safe, as I attempted to woo her closer to loving me. From both my relationship with God, and experience with past relationships, I knew that I had nothing to lose by playing it safe.
How did you balance work life and a dating relationship? Carly: When Seth and I began dating I was working from home and traveling to LA for business trips. However, Seth was at work daily. We had to keep our work a priority…cause if you don’t make money, you won’t be getting a ring or a wedding..lol. I would go surprise Seth on his break with lunch. Actually some of my favorite date times with him were picnic lunches! So simple, yet always so sweet! Hint, Hint babe…we should go out on a picnic soon! 😉
In a guy’s (Seth’s) point of view, what does it look like for a girl to let the guy pursue without throwing herself out there too much or not enough? And what are some practicals a girl can follow when being pursued? Seth: I actually wish that this question was coming from a guy. Guys should really be the ones asking people like my wife for advice on this stuff. Take heart though ladies, chivalry is not fully extinct. I think women ask these questions because there are way too many guys out there that don’t have a clue about what it is to pursue a women in a manner that makes her feel safe, valued and like princess material.
To accurately answer this question you need to first know your worth. When you have a healthy understanding of what your value is, then you will probably find that you can’t be bothered by bozos. Have you ever tried to sell things on craigslist or eBay and had people come back with the most absurd lowball offers? Sadly many women accept low ball offers from suitors that target(some unknowingly while others intentionally) those who have not properly assessed their own value. When you establish or realize your value and determine not to let others adjust or negotiate this with you then I think you will end up discovering how easy it is to quickly rid yourself of cheapskates. Even while being pursued these thoughts can help guide you in making decisions on whether to continue accepting the pursuit or bail out
During engagement how did you prepare your heart? What did the process look like? Did you go to pre-marriage counseling? Carly: Okay, so if I’m to be honest, sometimes I think we can tend to overthink things. I like simplicity. Meaning, I didn’t sit around thinking of how my heart will be ready for marriage. Actually, I was crazy busy with wedding plans! haha! Engagement can be a really hectic time while working out all the plans and finances for your wedding. Not to mention, it is the first time you and your fiancé have to make a lot of big decisions together. I would suggest, just enjoy the engagement period. It goes by SO fast. Even if you have a longer engagement, it still speeds right on by. I remember how excited I was to be able to refer to Seth as, “my fiancé”, rather then boyfriend. It’s the little things 😉 We did go through premarital counseling with a couple who were leaders at our church.
And that’s a wrap! Thanks for sending in your questions! Hope you enjoyed having Seth as a part of the last few weeks! I know I did! I’m trying to coax him into writing an actual post on what pursuit and honor of a girl looks like. 😉
I have a fun blog post coming up for Valentine’s Day that I am excited to share with you all!